Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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