I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
