I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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