Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
