And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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