God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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