My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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