just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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