When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
