Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
