dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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