Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
honey bunches of taint.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
