having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
