my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you never un-have a 4some
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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