I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
