dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
