I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
