I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
