...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dignity is for republicans.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
