i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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