butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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