I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
