low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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