I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
