We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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