He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
