i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
