someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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