Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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