Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
