i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
