How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
