omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you had me at cake vodka
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
