found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
