my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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