I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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