that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
