How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
