I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
