Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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