I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
