They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
