Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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