On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
