Dual....:-)
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
