quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
