just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
