He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
