my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
