When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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