He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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