pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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