guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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